Can Anxiety Cause Relationship Breakups?

Have you ever felt your anxiety creeping into your relationship?

Do you find yourself wanting to check your partner’s phone and analysing the text messages they send you, or worrying that they might leave you, even if they’ve given you no reason to doubt them?

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Anxiety and relationships are deeply connected, and many of the clients I see at Better Your Life arrive in therapy because they’re worried their anxiety will push their partner away. Alternatively, their partner has encouraged them to seek help due to their need for constant reassurance. They can come to me both alone or together.

I am often asked if anxiety causes relationship breakups? And the honest answer is yes, it can do.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

In this Article,We Will Explore:

• The link between anxiety and relationship breakups
• How anxiety shows up in love, trust, and intimacy
• The role of attachment styles in relationship anxiety
• Breakup anxiety, and when the fear of losing love controls us
• Dating and anxiety, and why new relationships can feel overwhelming
• How my clients have faced anxiety and rebuilt trust
• Practical steps to calm your nervous system and protect your relationship
• FAQs people are searching for about anxiety and relationships

Anxiety absolutely doesn’t have to destroy your relationship. With awareness and the right tools, it can become a gateway to deeper connection and growth, and it is possible to emerge stronger than ever.

The Hidden Link Between Anxiety and Relationship Breakups

A 2023 study in the Journal of Affective Disorders found that people with anxiety reported 2 1/2 times higher levels of conflict and dissatisfaction in their relationships compared with those without anxiety.

Why is this? Because anxiety doesn’t only live in your mind. It hijacks your nervous system. When your body is on high alert, everything feels like a threat, even the person you love the most.

That might mean:

• Reading rejection into silences or neutral expressions
• Assuming the worst case scenario during disagreements
• Trying to mind read your partner's behaviours
• Overreacting to small challenges until they feel unmanageable
• Pulling away to protect yourself from rejection, before your partner can leave

Left unaddressed, this cycle of fear and miscommunication can quietly erode trust and closeness, potentially leading to breakups. But there is good news, because once we understand how anxiety works, we can take action to stop it from controlling our relationships.

How Anxiety Shows Up in Relationships

Every couple experiences challenges, and this is completely normal, and how we grow together. But when anxiety takes over, it often shows up as:

• Reassurance seeking: repeatedly asking “Do you love me?” or “Are you angry with me?”
• Overthinking: replaying conversations or analysing texts until nothing feels certain
• Fear of abandonment: a constant dread that your partner will leave
• Control: trying to manage your partner’s choices or movements to feel safe
• Withdrawal: emotionally shutting down when closeness feels overwhelming

 

Anxiety often drives communication breakdowns, and our ability to communicate with each other is also one of the strongest predictors of whether relationships survive or fail.

When Emma and James came to me, they described their relationship as “hanging by a thread.”

Emma’s anxiety led her to believe that James didn’t truly love her. She checked his phone, worried when he was out with friends or at work, and pulled away whenever she felt too vulnerable. James, tired of feeling distrusted, admitted he’d thought about ending things, and this made Emma's anxiety even worse.

Together, we worked on calming Emma’s nervous system. She learnt to pause and recognise when anxious thoughts were driving her behaviour. James learnt that Emma’s fears weren’t about him personally, but about her past experiences of rejection. With new tools for communication and nervous system regulation, they began to rebuild trust.

Months later, they told me they felt more connected than ever. What looked like the end of their relationship turned out to be their new beginning.

If you are struggling right now, you may benefit from downloading our Journaling Questions to Reduce Anxiety Workbook. It comes with full instructions and is an excellent way of getting thoughts out of your head and onto paper, where you can question them more objectively. You can click here, or on the image below, to access a free copy.

Attachment Styles and Relationship Anxiety

Attachment theory helps explain why some people feel safe in love and relationships, while others live in constant fear of rejection.

Attachment styles describe the emotional bonds and connection patterns people form with others, which are often based on early childhood experiences. The four main attachment styles are secure, anxious, avoidant, and anxious-avoidant, with secure being considered healthy and the other three being considered insecure. 

Understanding these styles can help us improve our relationship dynamics and strengthen connections with others. 

• Secure attachment often results in feelings of safety and stability in relationships. People with a secure attachment style can express their needs and feelings openly and are comfortable with both closeness and independence. They view themselves and others as trustworthy and believe relationships are generally safe and stable.
• Anxious attachment often manifests as clinginess, overthinking, jealousy or a persistent need for reassurance. Individuals with this style often crave intimacy but are also worried about their partner's commitment and fear abandonment.
• Avoidant attachment often means pulling away, avoiding closeness or shutting down during conflict. Someone with an avoidant attachment style tends to be emotionally distant and places a high value on their independence. They may avoid discussing deep feelings and become uncomfortable when partners seek too much closeness. 
• Fearful Avoidant attachment (or anxious avoidant) is often associated with a history of trauma or instability in early life. Individuals with this attachment style may exhibit unpredictable behaviours, sometimes seeking closeness and other times pulling away. 

Attachment styles are not permanent and can change over time, especially with conscious effort. By understanding your current style, you can work to recondition unhealthy beliefs and behaviours and create more secure relationship patterns.

Relationships with family, friends, and partners all contribute to shaping and changing attachment styles. 

Anxiety can intensify all three of the latter patterns. When we learn to regulate our nervous system, we can move towards secure attachment, where we feel safe to trust, love and reconnect.

Breakup Anxiety: When The Fear of Losing Love Controls You

For many people, the biggest fear is not conflict, it’s a breakup. This fear can drive behaviours that ironically push partners further away.

Breakup anxiety may look like:

• Staying in unhealthy relationships because being alone feels terrifying
• Constantly asking your partner if they’re planning to leave, or worrying that they will
• Feeling sick with worry after every argument
• Struggling to recover after a breakup, sometimes for years

Understanding and addressing anxiety can help couples prevent these fears from damaging their relationship. When we learn to calm our minds and bodies, love no longer feels so fragile.

Many of our clients, who feel overwhelmed by the challenges in their relationship, benefit from downloading the Circle of Control and Influence Workbook. It helps them feel empowered by knowing they can influence their situation. You can click here, or on the image below, to access a free copy.

 

Anxiety and Dating: Why It Feels So Hard

Anxiety doesn’t only affect long-term committed relationships. Many of my clients experience relationship anxiety during dating too.

Dating can feel especially hard with anxiety due to fears of judgment and rejection, negative past experiences and social anxieties that make new social situations and uncertainty difficult. Anxiety can lead to overthinking, self-sabotage and a heightened focus on potential negative outcomes, making it hard to connect authentically with someone new.

If this sounds familiar, you may find yourself: 

• Overanalysing every text 
• Worrying about rejection before the date even begins
• Feeling unsafe opening up emotionally
• Ghosting or walking away because vulnerability feels unbearable

If this sounds familiar, it isn’t because you’re “bad at relationships.” It’s your nervous system trying to keep you safe. The key is learning tools to regulate anxiety so dating feels exciting instead of overwhelming.

Practical Steps to Protect Your Relationship

Here are five steps that you can do at home to help calm anxiety and prevent it from sabotaging love and relationships:

1. Reset your nervous system daily

Try deep breathing techniques, meditation, journaling or grounding exercises. Even two minutes at a time can interrupt anxious spirals. Repeat as often as needed.

2. Communicate openly

This is absolutely key if your relationship is to survive. Instead of attacking or withdrawing, try: “I feel anxious right now, and I need some reassurance. Are you able to support me through this whilst I learn to communicate more openly and constructively?"

3. Challenge anxious thoughts

Ask yourself: “Is this fact or fear?” Notice whether you’re reacting to actual evidence or something you are just predicting that hasn't yet happened.

4. Create rituals of connection

Schedule regular, consistent activities and focus on quality time, such as sharing meals, going on date nights and having meaningful conversations together. Simple daily habits, such as sharing a moment when greeting each other hello and a goodbye with a kiss, regular check-ins throughout the day, or establishing a bedtime routine together, can all help build safety and trust.

5. Seek support

Working with an anxiety specialist helps both partners understand triggers and build resilience together. Therapy can be for couples or individuals, and is available online or in person, tailored to your unique situation.

 

Client Testimonial

Mark struggled with severe health anxiety. When his symptoms spiked, he withdrew from his partner emotionally, leaving Sophie feeling confused, unwanted and alone.

Through therapy, Mark learnt to recognise when his anxiety was taking over his relationship, and we used techniques to calm his mind and body, instead of shutting down. Throughout his healing journey, he learnt to be vulnerable and share his fears with Sophie, rather than hiding them.

Sophie, in turn, felt valued again and was now able to offer Mark the reassurance and support he was seeking. What once felt like tension and emotional distance between them, became an opportunity for deeper closeness and connection.

Within months, their relationship moved from strain to strength.

Exercise

Take out a notebook and reflect on these questions:

1. Write down the last three disagreements you had with your partner.
2. For each one, ask yourself: What was I really afraid of? (e.g. judgement, rejection, abandonment).
3. Was this fear based on fact, or on anxiety?
4. What could I do differently next time to feel calmer?

This exercise helps you spot anxious patterns and choose new responses.

Key Takeaways

• Anxiety can fuel fear, mistrust and overthinking in relationships
• Left unchecked, it may lead to relationship breakups, but it doesn’t have to
• Attachment styles and nervous system regulation play a big role in relationship anxiety
• With awareness, support, and practical tools, couples can not only survive anxiety but grow closer together

Take Back Control

Anxiety doesn’t mean the end of love or your relationship. It can be the beginning of a new way of relating, one built on trust, honesty and calm.

If anxiety is putting pressure on your relationship, now is the time to take action. Don’t wait until the cracks feel unfixable.

Book your free consultation today and take the first step toward a calmer mind, a stronger relationship, and the connection you truly deserve.

Let’s Take the First Step Together

If anxiety is affecting your mood and relationship, it’s time to take it seriously. 

At Better Your Life, we’ve helped thousands of clients reclaim calm from anxiety. And we’re here for you too, either online and in person.

Many traditional approaches treat relationship anxiety in isolation. But your body is constantly communicating with your mind. Working with someone who understands anxiety, attachment styles and the nervous system can help you heal in a more lasting way.

You don't have to face any type of anxiety alone. Many people find themselves trapped in cycles of worry, panic, and exhaustion that seem impossible to break free from.

Working with an anxiety specialist isn't just about talking through your challenges. It's also about discovering the specific triggers that send your nervous system into overdrive, learning proven techniques to restore calm, and gaining real tools to reshape both your mind and body.

Now is the right time to take back control of your life and free yourself from those anxious thoughts and physical pains.

 

What If My Partner Has Had An Affair?

Therapy can help by providing a safe, neutral space to process the affair, improve communication, and address the underlying issues that contributed to it. A therapist can guide you in rebuilding trust and emotional intimacy, help you navigate anxious triggers, and establish new boundaries.

The goal is to help you work through painful emotions, understand what happened and decide whether to rebuild your relationship or separate amicably. 

Additional Resources to Ease Anxiety

Read What Causes Anxiety? 

Read What Are The Different Types of Anxiety?

Watch How to Feel Less Anxious

Watch Breathing Techniques for Anxiety

Download Circle of Control and Influence worksheet

Download Cognitive Distortions worksheet

FAQs – Anxiety and Relationship Breakups

Can Anxiety Ruin a Relationship?

Yes. Left unmanaged, anxiety can create mistrust, distance and conflict that strain relationships.

Why Do I Push People Away When I’m Anxious?

Because your nervous system is in protection mode, you withdraw to avoid being hurt, even when closeness is what you truly want.

Can Breakups Make Anxiety Worse?

Yes. After a breakup, anxiety often intensifies, especially if abandonment fears are triggered. But with support, it can be an opportunity for healing.

Is Relationship Anxiety The Same as Relationship OCD (ROCD)?

Not exactly. ROCD is a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder that causes intrusive doubts about relationships. Relationship anxiety is broader and often linked to attachment and life experiences.

How Do I Know if My Worry is Normal or Excessive?

Normal worry passes. Excessive worry is characterised by constant, repetitive and disproportionate thoughts, often interfering with daily life and intimacy.

Should I Address Anxiety Before Starting a New Relationship?

Yes, it helps. When you feel more grounded in yourself, you’re less likely to repeat anxious cycles in new relationships.

Can Couples Therapy Help With Anxiety?

Absolutely. Therapy can teach partners how to communicate, regulate anxiety together and rebuild trust.

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