Self-Sabotage: What Is It, What Causes It and How to Stop It!

We all experience anxious moments when we question ourselves or avoid facing challenges, however, when these feelings become a habit, they can lead to self sabotaging behaviours, thoughts and actions that slow down our progress and prevent us from fully reaching our goals.

Self-sabotage can overspill into various aspects of our lives—whether we're chasing a work project, building relationships, maintaining a fitness routine or striving for personal growth. We may find ourselves holding back, avoiding tasks or creating excuses, all of which push us further away from where we truly want to be.

In many cases, it feels as if an invisible barrier is preventing us from moving forward. If this sounds like you, understanding self-sabotage and how it relates to anxiety, and learning how to overcome it is key to unlocking our full potential and enjoying life more fully.

 

What is Self Sabotage?

Self-sabotage is more than simply procrastinating or avoiding a task we don't want to do. It is a pattern of behaviour, either consciously or subconsciously, that actively interferes with our long-term goals and our overall well-being.

These patterns often involve negative thoughts, limiting beliefs and actions (or lack thereof) that undermine our success, despite our best intentions.

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Self Sabotage and Anxiety

Self-sabotage and anxiety are closely linked because anxiety often drives behaviours that undermine our own success or well-being.

When we struggle with anxiety, we may experience overwhelming fears of failure, rejection or uncertainty. These fears can lead to self-sabotaging behaviours as we implement coping strategies to avoid these uncomfortable emotions.

We might procrastinate on important tasks because we fear being judged or not doing them perfectly or we may push others away in relationships to avoid the possibility of getting hurt. Our anxiety may cause us to act in ways that prevent us from reaching our goals, even though we want to succeed.

Self-sabotage can take many forms, such as negative self-talk, saying no to opportunities or setting unrealistic expectations. The link between anxiety and self-sabotage lies in our desire to avoid feelings of discomfort.

By not trying or by creating obstacles for ourselves, we can feel a temporary relief from the anxiety.

However, this relief only reinforces the negative behaviour and confirms to us that the very thing we are scared of achieving is unsafe, creating a cycle that is difficult to break.

Addressing both the anxiety and the self-sabotaging behaviours often requires recognising the fears that drive them, challenging our unhelpful thought patterns, and building healthier coping mechanisms.

 

Why Do We Self-Sabotage?            

While it may logically seem counterintuitive, many of us do engage in self-sabotaging behaviours for a variety of reasons.

Recognising these reasons is the first step toward addressing and overcoming them. 

Fear of Success

It may sound strange, but for some, the prospect of success can be really daunting.

Success often brings change, new responsibilities, new expectations or even a shift in how others perceive us. This change may feel hugely overwhelming or unsettling, and trigger anxious thoughts and behaviours.

We may worry that success will disrupt the familiarity of our current life, lead to pressure we can't handle or cause us to lose control. To avoid these unknowns, we may sabotage our efforts, either consciously or subconsciously.

The fear isn't always about succeeding itself, but rather the added pressure that accompanies it.

 

Low Self-Esteem

When we don't believe in ourselves or we feel that we’re unworthy of success, self-sabotage becomes a defence mechanism.

Low self-esteem can drive us to act in ways that align with our negative self-image, reinforcing the belief that we aren’t good enough or capable enough of achieving our goals.

Fear of Failure

Many of us dread failure so much that we'd rather not try in the first place, than risk the disappointment of not meeting our own or others' expectations.

For some, self-sabotaging behaviour can be a convenient excuse when things don’t go as planned.

Fear of the Unknown

Change, even when positive, can be intimidating. Sticking with what’s familiar, even if it's unfulfilling, can feel safer than venturing into unknown territory.

We all know someone who has stayed in a relationship far too long, even when they know it is not good for them. This fear of the unfamiliar can lead to self-sabotaging behaviour that pulls us back into our comfort zones as we know how that feels, even if it is not good.

Issues of Worthiness

Deep-seated feelings of unworthiness, often stemming from childhood experiences or past traumas, can make us feel that we don’t deserve happiness or success. This belief may lead to self-sabotage when we’re on the cusp of achieving something meaningful, as we convince ourselves that we aren't worthy of the rewards.

 

Fear of Judgement

Our fear of judgement is deeply rooted in our tribal past, as humans have evolved to be social creatures who depend on group belonging for survival. In ancient times, being part of a tribe or group was essential for safety, food, and shelter. If someone was excluded or rejected by their tribe, their chances of survival would greatly decrease.

This is why, even today, the fear of being judged or rejected can feel so intense, it taps into a primal need to belong, and be accepted and valued by those around us. We have developed a strong evolutionary instinct to fit in, to avoid conflict, and to seek approval from others.

In modern times, while the threats to survival are no longer the same, the fear of being judged remains strong. We worry about what others think of us because, on a subconscious level, being accepted still feels crucial to our well-being. Whether it's in our social circles, workplaces or online communities, we seek validation from others and fear negative judgement.

 Understanding why we self-sabotage is crucial in the process of overcoming it. When we start to recognise the underlying causes of our anxious thoughts and behaviours, we can take action to address them.

 

 

 

Signs of Self-Sabotaging

The signs of self-sabotage can manifest in many different ways, and recognising them early is important if we are to break the cycle.

Procrastination

We may delay or avoid important tasks, even when we know they are critical for our success. This tendency to put things off can be a major form of self-sabotage.

When journaling, I often ask myself, what is it that I am avoiding doing? This helps me to identify where fear and anxiety are showing up in the form of self sabotage, and enables me to choose what actions or behaviours I wish to do next.

Negative Self-Talk

When we constantly engage in internal dialogues that criticise ourselves, we reinforce negative beliefs that contribute to self-sabotage. This negative self-talk can prevent us from pursuing opportunities and achieving our goals.

To help you recognise your thoughts, you may wish to download the free anxious thoughts workbook or the emotions diary workbook.

Self-Isolation

Withdrawing from others, especially during stressful times, can make it harder for us to ask for help, or accept support from others. By isolating ourselves, we may be inadvertently sabotaging our chances of success by rejecting help from those who care about us or from those who have trodden the path before us.

Perfectionism

Striving for perfection can lead us to set unattainable standards, which in turn prevents us from making progress.

By always finding faults in our work, we may never feel ready to take the next step, and this can be a powerful form of self-sabotage.

When I first started my business, I wanted everything to be perfect. This held me back in so many ways. It was a huge breakthrough when I reminded myself of my “why”.

The reason I do what I do is because I want as many people as possible to know what anxiety doesn’t need to hold them back.

When we can make what we are doing to be about serving other people, we can take a lot of the pressure off of ourselves.

Avoiding Feedback

If we become defensive or avoid criticism, even when it’s constructive, we may be engaging in self-sabotage. Avoiding feedback prevents us from learning and growing.

Frequent Feelings of Regret

Constantly dwelling on past mistakes or feeling as though we've made the wrong decisions can indicate self-sabotage.

If we’re regularly looking back with regret, we may be stopping ourselves from moving forward.

How to Stop Self-Sabotaging

 

 

While overcoming self-sabotage requires effort and dedication, the process is entirely achievable. By embracing the following techniques, we can begin to break free from limiting anxious behaviours and unlock our full potential:

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness helps us to become more aware of our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. By being present in the moment, we can recognise self-sabotaging tendencies before they take hold.

Mindfulness enables us to observe our thoughts without judgment, giving us the power to intervene when negative patterns arise.

There are many ways to practice mindfulness, from meditation to mindful breathing exercises. Regular practice can help us develop greater self-awareness and interrupt unhelpful thought patterns before they lead to self-sabotage.

 

 

 

 

Challenge Negative Self-Talk

One of the most powerful tools in overcoming self-sabotage is learning to challenge and change our inner dialogue. When we catch ourselves engaging in negative self-talk, we can consciously shift those thoughts toward more positive and empowering beliefs.

For example, if we’re thinking, "I can't do this," we can break the task down into smaller steps and then replace the thought with, "I absolutely can do this."

Positive affirmations can reinforce these new beliefs. By repeating helpful affirmations regularly, we begin to internalise them, creating a more supportive and encouraging inner voice.

Set Achievable Goals

Setting smaller, realistic goals can help us build confidence and gives us a sense of accomplishment. By focusing on achievable steps, we can create positive momentum that encourages us to keep moving forward. Each small success reinforces the belief that we are capable of achieving larger goals over time and we make progress more tangible and reduce the overwhelm that often leads to self-sabotage.

We are able to prove to ourselves that we are capable, and our comfort zone gets bigger each time we step into our stretch zone.

Develop Healthy Habits

Our mental and physical health are closely linked. Establishing healthy habits, such as regular exercise, balanced nutrition, and getting enough sleep, can improve our overall well-being and reduce the likelihood of self-sabotage.

When we take care of our bodies, we support our mental resilience. This, in turn, makes us more equipped to handle challenges without resorting to self-sabotaging behaviours.

 

Reflect on Our Values and Priorities

It’s important to take time to reflect on what truly matters to us. By aligning our goals with our values and priorities, we can create a clear sense of purpose. When we’re clear about why we’re pursuing a particular goal, it becomes easier to stay focused and motivated, even in the face of setbacks.

Visualising success and keeping our long-term aspirations in mind can help us stay on track, reminding us of the bigger picture when self-doubt arises.

Find an Accountability Partner

Sharing our goals with someone we trust can make a huge difference in our ability to achieve them. An accountability partner, whether it’s a friend, colleague or mentor, can offer encouragement and support, and provide gentle reminders when we’re veering off course.

Having someone to check in with can help us stay committed to our goals and help us realise what is achievable. Furthermore, their perspective can offer valuable insights when we’re stuck in self-sabotaging patterns.

Being part of a business mentorship group has been extremely helpful for me and my business as I am able to see just what is achievable from others, and that has inspired me to keep pushing on through when faced with challenges.

 

Practice Self-Compassion

Self-sabotage often stems from harsh self-criticism. Practising self-compassion involves treating ourselves with kindness, understanding, and patience, especially when things don’t go as planned. Rather than beating ourselves up for mistakes, we can fail forward, learn from them and make progress  with greater resilience.

Self-compassion is a vital part of overcoming self-sabotage, as it allows us to embrace our imperfections and continue striving for progress without fear of failure.

Seek Professional Help

If self-sabotaging behaviours are deeply ingrained, it may be helpful to seek support from an anxiety therapist. Professional guidance can provide valuable insights into the underlying causes of anxiety and self-sabotage and offer helpful strategies for overcoming it.

Anxiety therapy can also help us work through past traumas or unresolved issues that may be contributing to self-sabotage, allowing us to heal and move forward with confidence.

Summary

So, self-sabotage is a common challenge that many of us face, often without realising it. Whether it’s driven by fear, low self-esteem or a desire to stay within our comfort zone, self-sabotaging behaviour can prevent us from achieving our full potential. However, with awareness, understanding, and the right techniques, we can break free from these limiting patterns and create a more fulfilling and successful life.

By practising mindfulness, challenging negative self-talk, setting achievable goals, and seeking support when needed, we can overcome self-sabotage and move toward the success and happiness we deserve. The journey requires patience and self-compassion, but with dedication, we can learn to stop holding ourselves back and start thriving in all areas of our life.

 

If You Need Further Support

If you need further support to overcome your anxiety and self sabotaging thoughts and behaviors, a trained Anxiety Therapist can prescribe a personalised plan to help you understand the underlying cause of your anxiety, as well as help develop healthy coping strategies that are focused around your individual needs.

Taking care of your mental wellbeing is an essential part of your overall well-being. Left unresolved, anxiety can spiral out of control and have a significant impact on relationships, work, school and family life.

So if you want to take the next steps to have a happier life where your fears no longer hold you back, click the link below and book a free no obligation consultation call.

Additional Anxiety Resources

 

Please also have a look at the other free resources as well.  

While these workbooks can not eliminate anxiety or get to the root cause, they do go a long way to aiding you on your journey.

Read What Causes Anxiety? 

Read What Are The Different Types of Anxiety?

Read Can Mindfulness Help with Anxiety

Watch How to Feel Less Anxious

Watch How To Reduce Anxiety Immediately

Watch Breathing Techniques for Anxiety

Download Circle of Control and Influence workbook

Download Cognitive Distortions workbook

Download your free workbook here to overcome Anxious Thoughts

 

 

Overcoming anxiety is a journey that involves a combination of techniques and strategies.

While you can implement these tools independently, seeking the support of a anxiety therapist and specialist provides an additional level of guidance and assistance, and enables you to get to the root cause of anxiety and negative thoughts.

It is our belief that no one needs to struggle with anxiety, we just need the strategies and techniques to overcome it.

FAQs about Anxiety and Self-Sabotage

How Does Anxiety Cause Self-Sabotage?

Anxiety often triggers self-sabotage by creating overwhelming feelings of fear, worry or self-doubt.

When we fear failure, judgement or uncertainty, we may engage in behaviours like procrastination or avoidance to escape these feelings.

While these actions provide short-term relief, they keep us stuck and prevent us from achieving our goals, reinforcing the cycle of self-sabotage.

Can Perfectionism Cause Self-Sabotage?

Yes, perfectionism is a common cause of self-sabotage. When people set unattainable standards for themselves, they may delay starting tasks, constantly critique their work or avoid finishing projects for fear of them not being "perfect."

This can result in missed opportunities and hinder personal and professional growth.

How Are Anxiety, Self-Sabotage And Imposter Syndrome Connected?

Anxiety, self-sabotage, and imposter syndrome are closely related. Anxiety fuels self-doubt, which can lead to imposter syndrome, where individuals feel unworthy of their success despite evidence of their achievements.

This constant fear of being "found out" can trigger self-sabotaging behaviours, such as procrastination or avoiding opportunities, to prevent perceived failure or exposure.

 

How Can Mindfulness Help with Anxiety And Self-Sabotage?

Mindfulness helps by encouraging self-awareness and allowing us to recognise negative thoughts and patterns as they arise. By observing these feelings without judgement, we can challenge the thoughts driving anxiety and self-sabotage, help build self-compassion and reduce the tendency to undermine our own success.

How Does Social Media Contribute to Feelings Of Self-Sabotage And Anxiety?

Social media contributes to self-sabotage and anxiety by promoting constant comparison, which leads to feelings of inadequacy. The fear of judgement and pressure to appear perfect online can increase anxiety and cause procrastination or avoidance of new opportunities.

Seeking validation through likes and comments may also reinforce negative self-perception, while doom-scrolling or the overstimulation from social media can lead to distraction and procrastination, further fuelling self-sabotage.

Recognising these effects can help in reducing social media use and promoting healthier habits.