Overcome Anxiety and Self-Sabotage

Do you feel anxious and stuck, like you keep getting in your own way? Maybe you talk yourself out of speaking up in a meeting, delay starting something important, or even sabotage a relationship that was going well, only to regret it afterwards. If that sounds familiar, you might be caught in a cycle of self-sabotage.

And anxiety might be the hidden reason behind it all.

In this article, we will explore the powerful connection between anxiety and self-sabotage. We’ll look at what self-sabotage really is, why we do it, why anxious people are more likely to fall into this cycle, and how we can start to break free. You’ll learn practical steps, real client stories, and powerful insights that both my clients and I use to help us stop getting in our own way and start moving forward.

By the end of this article, you will know:

• Why anxiety often leads to self-sabotage
• How to spot the signs of sabotage in your daily life
• What’s happening in your brain and nervous system
• Seven powerful tools to stop sabotaging your success
• How to take the first healing step today

Why Do I Keep Sabotaging Myself?

Self-sabotage happens when we either actively or unconsciously stop ourselves from reaching a goal, despite deeply wanting it. This could be as obvious as quitting a course you were passionate about or ending a relationship, or as subtle as scrolling through your phone for hours instead of preparing for that big meeting. Or in my case, ironing bedsheets when I should have been working on my dissertation many years ago.

I'm sure you're thinking, why would we do this to ourselves? The reason is that, at its core, self-sabotage is a form of self-protection. It’s our anxiety's way of telling us, “If we stay small and remain under the radar, we won’t get hurt.”

How Anxiety Fuels Self-Sabotage

Anxiety is our fear alarm. It activates our body’s stress response, putting us in a heightened state of hypervigilance. This can trick our brain into seeing an opportunity as danger. Even something positive like being offered a promotion can trigger self-sabotage because of the fear of failure, rejection or not being good enough.

We are likely to think things like:

• “What if I mess up?”
• “What will people think of me?”
• "What if people think I am not good enough?"
• “I’ll fail, so why even try?”

That fear leads us to play it safe, to shrink and procrastinate. Before we know it, we’ve talked ourselves out of progress. This is sabotage, and anxiety is often behind it.

Fear of Judgement and Rejection

We are tribal creatures, and the fear of judgment and rejection is real and evolutionary. Back in the days when we were all living in caves and wandering across the plains, if we were kicked out of our tribe, it would almost always lead to our death. We were unable to hunt, cook for ourselves, keep the campfire going and sleep without the support of the rest of the tribe, so we all instinctively want to be liked.

While we can no longer relate to the lives they lived back then, and society has changed in every possible way, our brains are still wired to keep us safe. Falling out with a friendship group can be devastating, even when there is no longer any danger to our survival.

Client Case Study

Sarah came to me because she couldn’t seem to grow her coaching business. Every time she posted content or a potential client reached out to her, she’d immediately retreat, deleting posts, not returning calls and spiralling into self-doubt.

We understood that Sarah’s anxiety led her to believe she’d be judged. She was scared of rejection and started to doubt her abilities. Deep down, she also feared success just as much as failure, in case her friends and family judged her. 

Together, we were able to soothe her nervous system with anxiety therapy, and this quietened her internal alarm system. Over time, we were able to work on her beliefs and values to ensure they were truly aligned. Sarah now shows up consistently in her business, and I get to see her go from strength to strength.

What Happens in the Brain

When we’re anxious, the amygdala (our brain’s smoke alarm) is activated. This floods our body with cortisol and adrenaline, preparing us to fight, flee or freeze.

When we are in this anxious state:

• Our prefrontal cortex (the logic and planning part of the brain) shuts down
• We make decisions based on fear instead of facts
• Our nervous system keeps us stuck in patterns that feel ‘safe ’ and 'familiar', even if they’re sabotaging us

This is why anxiety and self-sabotage are so closely linked. Anxiety can cause overwhelming fear and we feel the need to avoid situations, even when they’re not actually dangerous.

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How to Know If Anxiety Is Making You Sabotage

Ask yourself if you are doing any of the following:

• Do I delay or avoid things I actually want?
• Do I fear both success and failure?
• Do I often second-guess myself or give up too soon?
• Do I struggle with perfectionism or procrastination?
• Do I make excuses to protect myself from possible rejection?

If you answered yes to any of the above, you may be self-sabotaging due to anxiety, and you are absolutely not alone. You are not broken, just anxious.

Can Nervous System Therapy Help Anxiety and Self-Sabotage?

At Better Your Life, we don’t just focus on the surface-level behaviours. We go deeper, working directly with the nervous system to help calm your inner world so you can make confident, grounded decisions again. We have a holistic approach.

Using our unique techniques and calming strategies, we teach your body to feel safe again. And when you feel safe, the urge to self-sabotage starts to fade.

Journaling Questions to Reduce Anxiety

One of my favourite journaling questions is to ask myself is, "What am I trying to avoid today?"

This question has been instrumental in helping me recognise my own self-destructive patterns. You can get the full list of journaling questions my clients use to reduce anxiety by clicking on the image below. Journaling like this really helps you shift the pattern.

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7 Tools to Stop Self-Sabotage in Its Tracks

These steps can also help you break the self-sabotage anxiety cycle:

1. Name the Fear

Write it down. Speak it out loud. Naming your fear often takes away its sting. Often, when we are fearful, we don't get specific enough. Journal or think about exactly what it is. Only when we know the specifics can we determine if it is a genuine fear or just a perceived and irrational one.

2. Ground Your Nervous System

Try daily calming tools like slow deep belly breathing, gentle stretching or tapping. This helps signal to your brain: “I’m safe now.” 

Another technique is to look up. When I was little, my nan always used to tell me to look at the chimneys and I never understood why! It is evolutionary again, all our predators were on ground level. When we look down, our bodies believe we are scanning for danger. When we look up, our bodies get the memo that we are safe. 

If you have a challenge ahead of you, try thinking about it while looking down. Now try again whilst looking up. You will get a different solution.

We can spend so much time looking down at our phones, it's no wonder anxiety is one of the biggest challenges we face in today's world.

3. Watch for Your Inner Critic

Anxiety often sounds like self-doubt. Learn to spot that voice, and replace it with a kinder one. Be aware of the words you say to yourself, the names you call yourself. Notice that it is the opposite tone and words you would use with someone you love.

I also gave my anxiety a name, it was called Bruce. Recognising that he was controlling my thoughts was really helpful, and I was then able to tell him to leave when he was derailing me.

4. Take Tiny Actions

Shrink the task or goal. If writing a book feels too big, write one paragraph. Tiny steps build trust and a sense of achievement.

I love a to-do list, and writing a goal down in tiny steps enables me to tick off multiple tasks in a day. It releases dopamine, which is the reward chemical, each time we complete something and gives us a sense of achievement too.

5. Celebrate Every Win

Progress, not perfection. Honour every act of courage, no matter how small.

This is more important than we realise. We all have a negativity bias, and that means we are more likely to remember the negative parts of our day than the positives. 

You can blame evolution for this too. It was more important to know where the tiger was hiding than it was to go skipping through a meadow of flowers. Flowers don't help us stay safe.

6. Visualise Success

Picture your future self doing the thing you’re afraid of, and feeling proud. Rehearsing success trains your brain to expect it. Furthermore, your body doesn't know the difference between what is real and what is imagined.

We have all felt on the edge of our seats, with our hearts pounding, when we watch a thriller from the comfort of our sofa. Logically, we know we are safe, but our body reacts to what we are watching.

7. Get Support

You don’t need to do this alone. An anxiety therapist can help you untangle the root cause of your sabotage and self-destructive behaviour, and support you in rewiring your responses.

Many of our clients benefit from downloading the Circle of Control Workbook. It helps them to feel empowered instead of such. You can click the link below to access a free copy.

Click the button below to arrange a free, no obligation consultation call.

Client Case Study

Jason was a very creative person and always left projects until the last minute. His anxiety told him that if he didn’t try, he couldn’t fail. The truth was that we always fail when we don't start something. He was stuck in a cycle of procrastination, panic and then guilt and shame.

Our sessions revealed his fear of being seen as not good enough. Our Nervous System Anxiety Therapy helped him create safety in his body, and our proven techniques helped him break tasks down to ensure they were achievable. He now leads his own team with clarity and confidence and believes in his own abilities.

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Ready to Optimise Your Potential?

You don’t have to live in fear of when anxiety and panic will next take hold, and self-destructive behaviours kick in.

If you are struggling with anxiety and self-sabotage, and would like guidance, our team at Better Your Life are here to support you. Together, we will find ways to reduce your anxiety and self sabotage, and improve your overall health, relationships and wellbeing.

A trained Anxiety Therapist and Specialist can offer a personalised plan to help you understand the underlying cause of your anxiety, as well as help develop healthy coping strategies that are focused on your unique individual needs.

Taking care of your mental wellbeing is essential to your overall wellbeing. When left unresolved, anxiety can spiral out of control and have a significant impact on relationships, work, school and family life.

Click the button below to arrange a free, no obligation consultation call.

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FAQ: Self-Sabotage and Anxiety

Why Do I Sabotage Things I Care About?

Because anxiety creates fear, and fear leads us to avoid potential ‘danger,’ even if that danger is only imagined.

Can I Stop Sabotaging Myself?

Yes. With the right tools and support, you can break the pattern and replace it with self-trust and action.

Is Self-Destruction Common?

Extremely. So many of my clients, as well as myself, have experienced this. You’re not broken, you’re human.

How Can I Start Healing from Self-Sabotage Today?

Begin by calming your body, questioning your thoughts, and reaching out for support. You might start with a consultation call with me or reaching out via WhatsApp.